Why Can't I?
by Alias-JoyLemmon
Summary: Songfic - Bella and Jake have always had a blurred relationship. Rating for swear word s  and mature themes.


**Why can't I?**

_Hey – on a roll today lolz. Okay, so Bella and Jake are friends during the whole of Twilight – so it isn't really that strange when she goes to him in New Moon (anyone else think that was a little bit out of the blue?) but story is set sometime post-twilight up to new moon. (I think… you try and figure out when it is.)_

_This story has the break up in it. Yes it is JXB – as is my forte (seriously – who wants a sparkling popsicle when they can have hot oozing chesticles?)_

_Anywhoooo – song my Liz somebody. Lyrics via Google._

**Get a load of me, get a load of you**

**Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you**

**It's just like we were meant to be**

Edward had given me 'the night off' as he calls it – he had to go hunting. So I was, once again, with Jake, prowling the streets of the Res.

Just walking side by side, occasionally I'd brush against his shoulder. It's cold out, alright.

I haven't known him long – not really. But, right know, it feels like we were meant to be together, right here.

**Holding hands with you when we're out at night**

**Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right**

**And I've got someone waiting too**

Once again we're holding hands.

It was really surprising – I've never been a tactile person, not even with Edward. But with Jake and I, it was hard _not_ to be touching in some way or another. We were always holding hands, hugging, him holding my waist or catching, me hitting him.

It's just how we were.

"Hey Bells, guess what?" he asks shyly.

I turn to him. "What Jake?"

"I asked a girl out today," he's blushing.

I smile for him, but inside it hurts, just a little.

"That's great Jake. You'll have a girlfriend, so Edward and I can double with you sometime."

Jake shrugged. He doesn't really like it when I talk about Edward.

And when I'm with Jake, it pains me to remind him – and myself – that I have someone outside of the bubble that we create. Someone who loves me, and I love him.

I hear him mumble something. Something that sounds like "It isn't right."

"What's that Jake?"

He turns to me and gives me his blindingly white smile. "Nothing."

I let it go. Maybe he's worrying about what the girl will say.

"So, what's her name?" I tease, ribbing him with me elbow.

"You know her already."

"So I have to guess?"

He grins and nods.

So I begin, but something, some little annoying voice whispers to me, _he asked if you were free to tonight…_

**What if this is just the beginning**

**We're already wet, and we're going swimming**

While guessing (and ignoring voices in my head) Jake leads me onto a sprinkler.

"Jake!" I cry, dancing away from him and out of the reach of the water, but I end up, inevitably, slipping.

He laughs.

"Ha, ha, ha," I say in a serious voice, but my grin just makes him laugh harder.

"Come on Bells, lets go swimming!"

"But the water will be freezing!" I protest.

But he's already off, racing towards the beach.

"Come on! Live a little Bells!"

I grumble under my breath, but join him.

"Just you wait, Jacob Black. This may be the beginning!"

His eyes light up, as if I've said something absurdly funny.

"The beginning of my revenge!" I continue, laughing.

**Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you**

**Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you**

**It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it**

**So tell me**

**Why I can't I breathe whenever I think about you**

Later that night, while driving home, my breathe catches when I think about Jake stripping down to his boxers. He's still very lean, but his muscles are very defined. I blush though, when I remember that he stared when I stripped down to my underwear.

It was like he was seeing the sun for the first time. Complete awe.

I also remember blushing so bad that I looked sunburnt.

"Dad?" I call as I walk in the house.

"In here," he calls form the living room.

"So, you're back. Why is your hair wet?" he asks

I blush slightly. "Fell into a sprinkler," I tell him – well, it is the truth.

"Mmhmm, right. So, you and Jake have fun?"

My throat closes up. I don't want to tell Charlie what we were really doing – which I undoubtable would do should I meet his eyes, so I just nod.

"I'm going to take a shower and go to bed," I tell him, going off the Jake-topic.

He nods and turns back to the screen – a mariners game was on.

I walk up the stairs though, wondering why I couldn't speak about Jake whenever I was talking about him? Did that even make sense? Well, it did to me…

…Kinda.

**Isn't this the best part of breakin' up**

**Finding someone else you can't get enough of**

**Someone who wants to be with you too**

It's been a while since _he _left. Since _he_ broke my heart.

At least Jake can sympathize. He got rejected by his girlfriend as well.

So I've been spending a lot more time with him. We're both living off each other – laughing at stupid superficial things.

But it's keeping me alive.

It's keeping the hole in chest which ahs been ripped out from burning.

The only silver lining I can see through this whole thing is that the more time I spend with Jake, the more I want to.

The more I can't seem to get enough of him.

And I think that he wants to me to be there. We hug longer, hold hands longer. I try and fall whenever he's near, just so he can catch me, or hold me.

It helps, a bit.

It makes me blush, makes me alive.

**It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch**

**Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch**

**But wouldn't it be beautiful**

Okay, so we're kinda technically dating. I mean, I had the opportunity to go back to Edward.

But I didn't.

I stayed with Jake, while he lost an Elder and a close friend.

Sometimes, even the strongest werewolf needs someone to hold while they're crying.

That's when we kissed.

That's, really, when we became inseparable.

Now he can hold my waist any time he likes. Now, he can kiss me and not be embarrassed by it.

And all of this pent-up sexual desire is really killing me.

I mean, just looking at him is enough to make me wet.

But I'm not going to jump into this.

Jake knows that – he's the one who usually has to stop me.

He knows it will take a while, for me to be truly over Edward, but the wounds have healed, the scars are healing. But I know it's gonna be beautiful.

Anything, at any time with Jake is beautiful.

_He_ is beautiful.

**Here we go, we're at the beginning**

**We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning**

I was sitting literally on the edge of my seat. Victoria made another appearance, and Jake was off, protecting me.

Hurting himself to protect me.

He walks in the door, a bruise on his left eye healing even as he does so.

I leap for him, crashing my lips to his. I wrap my legs around his waist, my hands in his hair. His hands automatically go to my waist, making sure I don't fall.

I can feel that I'm crying, but I don't care. He's safe.

He's alive.

He leans me against the wall, fingers grabbing for material.

My shirt is off, and he kisses down my neck, across my collar bone, going down and down. I run my hands over his chest, feeling how the flex ever so slightly under my touch.

Suddenly, I'm on my back on the bed. Jake is looking at me with love, lust darkening his eyes.

I pull him closer, kissing his jaw.

He growls softly and pulls off my jeans and I kick them away. He growls again when he sees my underwear is black.

He kicks out of his pants and pulls off my bra.

And I don't want him to stop. The feeling of euphoria is too good for me to want to stop.

I can feel him, pressing up against me. He always goes commando.

He rips my panties from me, kissing me deeper and deeper, his member resting just as my entrance.

He looks at me then, a question in his eyes.

He always lets me chose. Always. No force.

"Yes, Jake," I pant.

This will be our first time, but I don't care.

"I love you," I whisper, and he presses in side of me.

My head reels at the pleasure of him inside of me.

**Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you**

**Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you**

**It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it**

**So tell me**

**Why I can't I breathe whenever I think about you**

We lay there, both of us spent, just spooning.

His warm arm lay gently across my waist.

"Bells," he breathes, and my breathing hitches and I suck in my stomach.

It's the reaction he's always had on me.

He chuckled. "Why can't you breathe whenever you're around me?"

I shrug. "You take my breath away?" I guess weakly.

He kisses my shoulder. "Cheesy are we?"

I shake head. "Happy." I reply.

I turn to face him. Shining love is there. No regret.

He leans over and kisses me, and I kiss him back, and already he is hard.

"I love you," he tells me.

I grin. "I know." I tell him, as I suck on his bottom lip.

He growls. "You don't play fair. Don't do that unless…"

"Unless…?"

He looks me deep in the eyes. "You want me to take you again."

"I'll always want you to take me," I tell him. 

And once again, I'm in heaven and bliss.

**High enough for you to make me wonder**

**Where it's goin'**

**High enough for you to pull me under**

**Somethin's growin'**

**Out of this that we can control**

**Baby I am dyin'**

After then, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I was on a natural high.

I was high enough to wonder if he was going to ask me to marry him – I so wanted him to. I wanted to know where this was going. Sure, he could always imprint, but I love him. I could get hit by a bus.

I was on such a high that even a look across the room would make us simultaneously look for a room – any room – with a locking door and light.

I didn't think it was possible, but my love for him was growing, surpassing what I had ever had with Edward.

I couldn't have controlled this love. Not any more than I could control the moon.

But the way he looked at me sometimes, while we were making love was enough to make me want to die, I was that happy. I was that high

**Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you**

**Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you**

The next summer, one afternoon, we were sitting on his front porch, my head in his lap, legs over the arm of the porch swing, and he was twirling his fingers over my stomach.

He leant down and kissed me, and once again, I forgot how to breathe. It always made him smile, that, even after years of being together, I would still forget his hold over me.

I hoped I would always react like that.

"Bells," he chuckled, and I just grinned. No words were needed after something like that.

**Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you**

**Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you**

**It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it**

**So tell me**

**Why I can't I breathe whenever I think about you**

"Bells, why can't you breathe when I kiss you?" he asked me seriously.

I smiled up at him. "Because you're such a good kisser," I reply sarcastically.

"As much as I love the ego boost, why? And why don't you speak at times, just look?"

I shrug.

"Come on, Bella. I've known you for ages. I know you better. Why?"

I look up at him, with love (I'm sure) shining in my eyes.

"Because I love you. And you know what they say. Love makes you do crazy things."

He chuckled and kissed my nose.

"Funny little thing, aren't you?"

I grin. "You love me for it."

His eyes turned slightly darker with lust. "I love you for more than that." He says, and I can feel him get hard underneath me.

I chuckle. "I know."

"You know. Do you know what you do to me woman?"

"Yep – when you start calling me 'woman' I start blue-balling you." I tell him, kissing him on the nose and running away.

I know I won't be able to get away for long, but just knowing that he'll never be far behind is enough to make me not trip and die.


End file.
